One of the hardest things for me to do since graduating from High School (just a few years ago)..has been trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I've gone to two different colleges and have taken enough classes that I should have graduated in....something. I started taking business classes because I wanted to follow in my dad's foot steps. Well I wanted to believe that he would have been proud of me for choosing a business major. After a few of those classes, I realized I totally didn't get that mega smart gene that everyone else in my family has. I love Psychology and started in that direction, never really with any kind of plan...I confess I just loved the classes. After getting to the upper level classes and being in a class with people who started giving examples from their own life experiences....well I walked out of that class realizing...I wasn't messed up enough to continue on. The truth of the matter is I probably would have been perfect because I may have not had a lot of life experiences, but I had no baggage to carry into it. Anyway if you have read my past post on "How life was supposed to be," you know that in my delusional mind I was waiting for Mr. Right to come sweep me off my feet....I wasn't ever going to need a career....because I was never going to work anyway.
In the last 14 years I've....grown up. I've had more life experiences than I care to think about some days. To say the least life slapped me in the face. I've struggled, my family has struggled. I could have had a career...my life could have gone in a completely different direction. And well I've become irresponsible in so many ways...I guess I haven't grown up all the way. So here we are in the present. Again I'm faced with the decision of what to do. My reality is...I'm going to be a single mom and I need to take care of my family. I've always had a job but I need a little more than that. I've had people through the years tell me I should go into nursing. I never really knew why. I never thought it was something I could do.....something I could handle. I never seriously gave it second thought, but I did for whatever reason, keep it in the back of my mind. About this time last year I decided to go back to school....I got all the financial aid approved...enrolled in classes...and couldn't do it. Not necessarily because I didn't want to, but the field I decided to go into never felt right. Just a few months after that my husband ended up in the hospital and here we are. And that idea about going into nursing has been brought back up to the surface again. I always question whether things really happen for a reason. I do believe we learn something from the trials we go through. I've been thinking about this for weeks and the more I think about it the more it just feels like the natural direction to go in. So I'm getting information, I'm finding out how many of those classes from the past count towards my future, and then I'll go from there. I know I can't overload myself right now. I still have my responsibilities here and I'm working on getting out of debt. My goal is to start in the Fall, but I know full well planning anything right now is a little bit difficult. I do know that when I think about it I find myself getting excited.....and that is so weird for me....new. Don't get me wrong, taking care of my husband comes first....but I know what my reality is. It doesn't mean I'm waiting for him to die, but I need to prepare for my future. I'm a realist...I can't help that. So here I go...taking a deep breath and jumping in feet first....and we'll see where life goes from here.
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