So as always life has been a little crazy.....I really don't expect it ever not to be. Ups and downs, highs and lows. As I mentioned in my last post, I've gone back to dealing with it rather than avoiding it. I went through a good year and a half of being pure lazy, avoiding life, hating everything.....because I didn't want to deal with anything, and gaining more weight than I will ever put in writing. So I started a blog and vented a lot and got everything out I needed to get out. I go longer between posts now (you may or may not have noticed). I still deal with the same stuff I've been dealing with, with Todd.....that's on going. I still get angry.....some days worse than others (I have issues maybe it's genetic). I still have days I feel like I'm trapped in this state of not being able to move forward or backward or any way what so ever. Although I am absolutely moving forward. I still have days that I cry for reasons I'm not going to share, because I might be strong but I still have feelings. I still....no matter what is going on inside of me.....will have a smile on my face when I walk out of my front door to greet the world, because that is just how I am. I have plenty of outlets to vent my feelings, I don't need to look like I'm miserable even if there are days I truly am.
Catching back up with my life that I put on hold for a while, means I've been keeping myself busy. We are back to doctors appointments for Todd. I'll be honest I'm not thrilled about this, but it's his life and he deserves to do what he can to make it better for himself. All I can do right now is help him through this journey, but being a part of his life.....well he's going to have to accept at some point that I don't want to be. I've mentioned before I'm back to working out regularly....and it feels so good. Some days twice, just because I have a lot of things in my head I'm trying to block out, and a lot of stress I need to relieve. I'm working towards my goal of running a 5K this summer. I'm really excited about it. I have a little ways to go to get my body in the shape I want and need it to be in, but I'm determined to do it. My longer term goal....to be in the best shape I've ever been in, when I turn 41 this year. I'm venturing back out into the working world again....not only financially do I need this, but mentally. For now I'm trying to get my old job back, and hopefully that happens in the next few weeks. I'm almost positive it will. I'm not really thrilled to go back there, but it's a job and it has hours I know will work best with everything I have to work around during the day. The main thing here that I'm trying to get across, is you have to keep moving.....I have to keep moving. Letting myself stop is completely unproductive. Sure I was still able to function in taking care of kids and making dinner (most nights)....cleaning the house (sometimes)....in short doing the bare minimum that needed to be done. It was not a fun place for me to be. I still have a house that is falling a part, every day it seems there is something else that needs to be repaired....and it can be overwhelming. Getting my life back on track means I can look at things with the attitude of "it's fixable" and "it's achievable"...instead of "it's impossible". There's a lot of things going on that I still don't quite know how to deal with....but I know I can figure it out. Catching back up with my life and having a positive attitude means I can do anything I set my mind to do.....watch out world...I'm back....
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