Learning to cope....

Truth be told I started a post got to the end of it and decided I hated it....so I'm starting all over again with something completely different.  I'll see where this takes me....


Life to say the least is a little upside down and backwards right now. First of all I have a very sick husband on Hospice requiring me to be here.....all the time.  Second...I'm not used to being home 24/7, I've worked pretty much my entire marriage... and third...I'm dealing with kids, who....are having a hard time with all of this...and act out sometimes in not so great ways.

So how am I dealing with all of this? Well to be honest at first I didn't... When Todd was in the hospital I spent everyday going back and forth to visit and I would get home at about 10:00 at night take a Xanax and fall asleep....for a couple of weeks I barely saw my kids...I didn't care what my house looked like...I didn't even care what I looked like. I survived... I kept moving because I had to, when all I really wanted to do was lay in bed and not get up. When he ultimately was able to come home... I wasn't prepared... he refused to do the physical therapy at the rehab center because he was in pain...and they kicked him out. I didn't even get 24 hours notice.  The day I brought Todd home....the Rehab Center put all of his medications in a bag handed it to me and sent us on our way. I got home sat on my bed started looking through the bag...and cried...I didn't even know how to give him his insulin....and now I have to deal with oxygen tanks and him using a walker....and it was all very overwhelming.  As if this wasn't enough, about 5 minutes after I got him home, I got a call from my 16yr old son....he was in the Mall security office. Are.You.Kidding.Me?!?!  I was literally pacing up and down my hallway...talking myself out of getting in my car and driving as far away as I possibly could... that's the absolute truth. I ended up calling a friend of mine to take me to the mall to pick up my son because I didn't trust myself driving and actually taking the exit.

So how have I started to cope with all of this?  One of those ways is Hospice...I'm not kidding. I feel like I've had a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.  They are AMAZING!  Second is my new blog...obviously... third I'm getting back to something I stopped a few months ago....exercise...really. For me it's a huge stress reliever...I put my headphones on turn my Ipod up as loud as I can handle it....and "Bring sexy back" (You have to have music that makes you feel good when you exercise)....fourth I make sure my kids know it's still ok to laugh and have fun...and we do.  My house is still a mess...but honestly I'm not the greatest housekeeper...I'm not a perfect mom but I make sure my kids know we can talk about anything, and I try to spend as much time as possible with them and reassure them that we are going to be ok, and we are going to make it through all of this. Life will continue to go on no matter what happens...We deal with the way life is right now...and when the time comes that things change again, we will find ways to deal with it then.