I have had one Hell of a morning. It started with a wake up text from my 15 year old who took the wrong back pack to school (I'm still trying figure that one out), and needed me to bring him the right one, a complete waste of a trip to the Social Security office, where I sat for 45 minutes, next to a guy wearing Homer Simpson slippers to find out I was missing one piece of information that they needed, and a parking ticket because I'm an idiot and my car's registration is expired. So by 10:15am after being driven to the point of insanity, I drove to the nearest gas station, bought a giant diet coke, and a giant cookie (actually half peanut butter cookie, and half brownie)...and proceeded to numb my brain with more sugar, calories and caffeine than anyone should ever have in one sitting, especially at 10:30 in the morning....I might be feeling a little sick, but the frustration has significantly decreased.
There are two ways to look at life.....positively or negatively, with a lot of variations in between. I wish I could say I was a person that was positive about everything....I'm working on it. Glass half full, glass half empty. If you were being completely honest with yourself where would you be? This past year, has marked a significant changing point in my life. I woke up and realized that I've been really stupid about a lot of things. I was bitter, angry, jealous, confused, blinded....and avoiding things because I was tired of being hurt. Tired of not being able to have "that" life....you know the one where I wouldn't have a care in the world, where my husband took care of me and everything, where I could go on vacations and wouldn't have to work, or worry about money and bills and holding on until my next pay day when I still have a week to go and $50 to my name. Life has been this way for so many years that it wore me out. I will never claim to be a writer, but writing all this down and sorting everything out, is what helped me change my way of thinking. When I look back at my life, specifically over the last 17 years, every trial that I have been through, every experience that I have had that has brought me joy, or caused me pain, filled me with sorrow, humiliation, regret has made me who I am today. Everyone could say this. It took me a long time to realize and embrace it. Because of that, I can be, and I am thankful for every experience that I've been through up to this point. Really. I can't say I've enjoyed every experience or trial that I've had, but I can look back at my life and instead of looking at it with regret, I can be thankful for everything that I have learned because of the choices I made. So what am I thankful for, since it is November and this is what we do in November? I'm thankful for just about everything and everyone in my life. I might not be thankful for the stupid ticket I got today, but I still have a car to drive and a reminder that on pay day the registration needs to be done. I might not be thankful that my husband is very, very sick. However we have been extremely blessed when it comes to his care. I'm thankful for every single person that we have come across in the medical field. Doctors, nurses, CNA's, wound care specialists, pharmacists, and his hospice team. Many of which I have become friends with. People who have bent over backwards to help us. There are definitely things I wish didn't happen but, if I'm looking at things with my glass half full, I can see the things to be thankful for, despite the stuff that isn't so great that is going to happen anyway. So I'm thankful for everything.....almost, and the things I don't want to be thankful for, well there's always cookies to help me feel better....I think we can all be thankful for cookies.
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