This Christmas...

It's been a little crazy around here for the last few weeks.  This time of year means overtime for me at work, rushing to get things done on my days off, and never having quite enough time.   Add in doctors appointments and remembering to fill prescriptions.....all the everyday stuff I deal with.  There really are not enough hours in the day, and by Tuesday (which is my Friday) I end up staying up after getting home (that would be Wednesday morning) from work and skipping a full day/night of sleep.  You would think that I would be full of all sorts of Christmas spirit. I try I really do, because Christmas has always been my favorite holiday.  Unfortunately I kind of turn into a Grinch.  I become so overwhelmed with everything that has to be done in the small amounts of time that I have to do them, that I turn into a  kind of ornery, short tempered, not very nice person to be around.  I can't remember the last time I sent out Christmas cards. I couldn't even figure out how to work that in last Christmas when I wasn't working and I had time to do things.  I'm not a very good multitasker.  Give me too many things to think about and do and I become a crazy person....it's true ask my husband and kids. 

Last Christmas I took advantage of being home and did all the traditional things I love.  We did  gingerbread houses (not store bought I actually made them).  I baked cookies and made tons of treats.  We drove around and looked at all the lights at night and I was able to go to my daughters Christmas concerts for Orchestra and choir.   I didn't stress out over anything really, except for gifts, that's usually my big stress.  Figuring out what to buy everyone and how to do it on a very small budget.   It was really nice to be home and have that time.

This Christmas I haven't baked at all, the usual treats I make... that I had all intentions of making, even bought everything I needed to make them....have fallen into the there is no way this is going to get done, and I'm not going to stress out about it file.  The tree and decorations were finally put up last weekend, because my kids are awesome and they spent a couple of hours decorating.  The presents have all been bought....almost.  Today is my last day to shop.  I'm taking my kids out after school so they can finish up what they need to and so can I.  It would be a lot nicer if it wasn't snowing like crazy, but today is my last day I can shop and so we absolutely have to go.  I was able to go to one Christmas concert, but I had to miss one, which makes me sad because I love going to them.   Yesterday I took my husband out shopping all day.  He loves to go shopping....I hate to go shopping.  He can wander for hours without buying a thing.  I have to shop with a purpose, and I walk into a store buy what I need and leave in the shortest amount of time possible.   Yesterday I let him spend the time he needed, without being my normal impatient self.  It's hard to describe what I've been feeling lately, but I've had a lot of moments when I'm by myself either at work or in my car, that I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness.  I guess I feel like this really could be our last Christmas together.  It's just a feeling and I've been known to be wrong on many occasions, but he's having a hard time lately.  His health has gotten worse.  I think he's kind of feeling the same way.  We both (without consulting each other) thought about things to buy this year that would be special.  Yesterday he was in search of  those perfect gifts just from him.  My idea this year is to give everyone a memory book.  I want my kids (me and Todd too, as much as he is able), to start writing down our memories.  More specifically for the kids, I want them to write down things they remember doing with their dad, adding pictures if they want.  If you know how much I don't like to scrapbook, you probably think I've lost my mind doing something like this.  I do make exceptions for things.  Memories are so important, and if we aren't writing them down, they can be too easily forgotten.  So yesterday, even though Todd was in pain, we shopped together and found those special things he wanted to buy, and he had a really good day.   He's been asleep for a little over 12 hours now,  and I'm sure will sleep for a few hours more, possibly through the day.  He sleeps a lot now, it doesn't take much to completely wear him out.  Yesterday was extreme, but I really believe he gets an adrenaline rush when he knows he can go shopping, it's kind of crazy, but true.  Less than a week to go and I just want to make it through with the least amount of stress possible, and focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  We have been so thankful over the years when others have given when we were in need.  If you know me at all, you know it's hard for me to accept any kind of help.  This year we are able to give back, something that is very important to me...Paying it forward.   So this Christmas we may have barely gotten the tree up  and didn't do the traditional things that we usually do, and I've had a few moments of...well overtiredness (I'm pretty sure that's a real word), but we are doing what we can with the time we have and still making memories in the process.  Always make the most of the time you have.  From our family to yours, I hope you all...

Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!