Advice for my Oldest Son

My son turns seventeen tomorrow.  I won't lie the last few years of parenting when it comes to him have been extremely difficult.  He is a lot like his dad in more ways than he would like to admit to...and to be honest it worries me.  As far as we know he isn't drinking or doing drugs..and I pray everyday that he never does.  between his birth mother and his dad, alcoholism and addiction run through him.  Yes this scares me, and I've taught him as much as I can as a mom. I hope that seeing his dad the way that he is because of the life he chose scares him too.

Independent and stubborn...I hope one day these two things work to his advantage.  Right now, not so much.  He has had a job every summer since he was fourteen.  I really have to give him credit on that.  I didn't make him get a job he decided on his own that was what he was going to do.  I've never really given my kids an allowance, they've never gotten money for doing chores.  So when he was old enough to work at the local amusement park he went and applied.  The one thing that isn't going so well for him is school. He has never liked it...he's always had a hard time being there and doing homework...and he has never taken it seriously.  He has a lot of classes he has to make up before he can graduate and he's never talked about what he might want to do after high school.  He has one more year of school and he doesn't realize how fast it is going to go by. Quite honestly when I express my concerns about all of this, it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall.  As a parent this is when I get a little bit worried...ok a lot worried.

Yesterday we had to go to my father in-laws house for a birthday party.  My son asked if he could bring his girlfriend.  I said yes, because I really kind of like her.  She's nice, and she happens to be the first girlfriend of his that I've gotten the chance to meet.  They've been together since last summer.  I worry that they are a little too serious.  When I saw the ring that he gave her a couple of days ago for her birthday....I have to admit I felt a little sick inside.  I didn't ask about it, I didn't freak out, I let it go....because I had a feeling it wasn't going to sit well with her parents.....and it didn't.  Last night at about midnight he came into our room.  "Mom...How do I get my girlfriends parents to like me?"  This is what I said to him.... First of all you can't make anyone like you.  Second giving her that ring was probably a huge mistake...even if she was the one that wanted it. Even if it was just a ring and nothing more. Third they probably know a lot more about you than you think...her mother is a teacher...I'm sure she has friends. And this is when I said to him again....Son you need to start thinking about what you are going to do after high school.  You need to get serious about graduating from high school. Because the fact of the matter is if you don't graduate, it doesn't matter who your girlfriend is, her parents will never like you.  If you aren't at least trying to figure out what you want to do with your life it is going to be a strike against you.  All parents...especially fathers want the absolute best for their little girls....you have to prove to them that you are the best. Right now they are not seeing that. 

Son....you are smart, talented and have so much to offer this world.  I only wish you could see this in yourself. It breaks my heart that you can't.  Life only gets harder once you are grown, and you need to have some kind of plan. It doesn't mean it has to be set in stone.  But you need a general direction to go in.  The hardest part about being a parent, is seeing the potential that your child has and then having to watch them make choices that are below their standards and abilities.  (Yes, I can picture my own mother saying all of these things).  I will always be here for you...whether you want my advice or not.  You are my son, even if I didn't give birth to you...you are still my child and I will always love you...no matter what decisions you make.  Look inside yourself. What do you want others to see when they look at you?  You can't pretend to be someone that will impress others, that is not how you get through life. Because as you get older people see through that.  Be yourself..it's all you can be.  You can't make people like you. If you are living an honest life and being the best person you can be...then you won't have to worry about people liking you.  I hope one day you understand these things....I hope one day you see your true potential...I hope that life isn't harder than it needs to be...and I hope one day you realize just how much your parents love you.