So I've had two other posts (one that I'm probably not going to write about) in my head for the last week. However due to the events of earlier in the day, I chose something completely different for today. Although not completely different from past posts, just completely different from what was in my head.
I've expressed my frustrations with my oldest son before. I mentioned how he was put on house arrest for 30 days due to his choices that he has made. He's been off of house arrest for exactly 9 days....and we're back to square one. It's extremely frustrating. Today I had to go pick him up from the local McDonald's because he got into a fight with a kid from school. Let me just take this opportunity to say how much I appreciate our local officers....I just don't like to get phone calls from them. Now he faces another court date and all the consequences that come with it.
On the way home we were kind of talking.....arguing...and I asked whose fault it was that he had friends that were bad influences...that were contributing to him making all these "bad" choices. Silly me thought he would take responsibility and say, "Well...it's my fault." To my surprise he said, "It's YOUR fault." (meaning me...his mom). Excuse me....How exactly is it MY fault that you've changed your friends and started hanging out with kids that you end up getting in trouble with? I didn't go to school and say..."Hey, those kids look like a group of bad asses....why don't you go hang with them and see how much trouble you can get into." BULL SHIT!! If you want to talk to me about what happened....come talk to me. If you're going to blame me for your actions the conversation will be over and you can go cry to your therapist and the judge and see what they say. Look I'm not saying he wasn't given a bad hand...he's had to deal with a lot in his life. In NO way, shape or form does that give anyone an excuse to break the law...period.
So I walked into the house.....and he sat in the car for about 10 minutes...before he came in my room to talk about it. Well....before he came in my room trying to convince me it wasn't his fault and he really was trying to change. And cue the lecture... I'm actually kind of proud of myself today. I didn't lose it and I didn't go on for hours and hours. In a nutshell I looked at him and said...If you truly want to change....show me. Words to me are just words they mean absolutely nothing. I've been burned too many times. I'm not talking about changing for a day or a week or a month.....the true test is if you can keep it going. So don't stand there and tell me you want to change and then do absolutely nothing about it....prove it. Second......I would NEVER let anyone else take credit for my choices....my actions....my mistakes. They are mine and mine alone. I would not be the person that I am today if it weren't for the choices that I've made....the mistakes that I made. They make me.....me. Good...bad...and ugly. Don't blame anyone else for the choices you make, because all it will do is make you angry and miserable. Take your mistakes and learn from them. We all make them, I guarantee I'll be making mistakes for the rest of my life. Then a little of I wish you could see your full potential...you could be doing so much more, because you have so much more to give... My usual lecture stuff. It really is frustrating because he has so many strengths....but he is so angry and he can't see past that right now.
He left for work shortly after and my daughter turned to me and said "Good pep talk Mom." Really?... "Yea I'm being serious." Well I'm glad somebody got something out of it. "Mom...I always learn good stuff from you." By the way....Love that she called it a pep talk and not a lecture... Maybe just maybe there is a little bit of hope after all. Let's all have a great weekend!
No comments:
Post a Comment