It's that time of year again.....Graduation. The last couple of weeks walking through the grocery store it's in my face, on cakes and balloons and decorations to buy. I'm feeling a little cheated, a little....sad. I have my oldest son that should be graduating. Instead the day he turned 18 he dropped out of high school. Sure, he decided he would continue with adult education because, it would be easier to help him make up the credits he needs (and he needs over a years worth) to graduate. He almost never goes to the school, and as a parent watching the decisions he's making it's frustrating. Of course I could be "that" parent, the one that will do anything to make sure their child graduates, including doing the make up work for them. But there is no way in Hell that I would ever do that.
My oldest son, has never liked school.....never. When he was in 3rd or 4th grade I got a call from him. "Mom can you come pick me up I've got a stomach ache?" I didn't believe him. Why? This is my kid that other than a cold once in a blue moon, never gets sick I picked him up anyway, because I figured something else was going on. When we got to the car I looked at him and asked, "Do you really have a stomach ache?" He just sat there.....and I told him I would take him home but when he was ready I wanted him to come and talk to me about what was going on. About an hour later he told me they were supposed to be working on an assignment and his teacher kept asking him over and over if he needed help on it.....and it got on his nerves. I knew at that moment, school was not going to be easy with him, but I made clear I wasn't picking him up again just because the teacher got on his nerves. He waited until he got to High School and then just started ditching classes. He hates asking for help, he doesn't like people asking him if he needs help....and if he didn't want to do an assignment in class or otherwise he just never did it. He made it look like he didn't care about grades or school or learning. I never understood this. When I found out that all he needed to do in Junior High was show up to class and do assignments to get a C average my jaw dropped. Because he was failing. To fail a class here you quite literally have to do Nothing. I shook my head, my frustrations with the school system grew, as they continued to pass him from one year to the next....failing every single year. Never making him be accountable, setting him up to fail the next year because he was that much more behind. The reality.....I don't know that holding him back would have even helped. I couldn't get him to do homework, his teachers couldn't get him to any work. He just didn't care. I even have a rule in my house that if you want to get your driver's license when you turn 16 you have to have at least a C average. It was never a motivator for him. He just got his license.....on his own, this month. I've talked to him....lectured him....begged and pleaded with him to do something. Because I know he is going to have a much harder time without an education. I don't get the whole I don't care I know everything attitude.....I don't know how you just decide not to graduate from high school.
So what do I do with a kid who I just can't get a handle on, in the last few years I've barely been able to parent? Who drops out of school when I tell him how important an education is in life. A kid who I taught not to lie and steal.....and he ends up getting caught doing both. A kid who does everything opposite of what I ask or talk to him about. I'll tell you what I do. I throw my hands up in the air and say, "Look....I love you, I will always love you. but if you want to learn all this the hard way....then go for it. I'm done lecturing." I'll be completely honest, I have a hard time having conversations with him right now. I don't know why. He at least has a job and his own transportation that he got on his own. He has a lot to learn about life....and I guess when it comes down to it we all did when we were 18. In some ways he's ahead of the game, but without that all important education he's going to find himself slowly falling behind. So I sit back and see my friends who have kids graduating, and how proud they are. And I'll be honest I'm jealous. We should be celebrating. I should get to take graduation pictures and have a party.....and I can't help but be a little disappointed. However, I'm all about letting our kids make choices, and letting them deal with consequences on their own. I can't live life for my children. I can give them advice, I can tell them I'm not happy with something they are doing, I can help guide them in the right direction, but ultimately they have to learn it themselves. So you have a child that you tell not to touch the stove because they might get burned......and they touch it anyway, just because....and they get burned. Maybe they have a scar, but they won't likely do it again. As our kids grow up we give them advice....it doesn't mean they are always going to follow it. Hardest part of parenting....letting our kids make mistakes. We all have to, I'm pretty sure I still make mistakes on a daily basis. We know this is part of the learning process. It's hard to sit back and watch it happen, but if I want my children, especially my oldest right now to learn, I have to let them make mistakes and try again. We all figure it out eventually....right?
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