Fifteen years ago today, I gave birth to my first child (my now second oldest). I wish I could say it was one of the happiest days of my life.....not so much. Trust me when I say I still have guilt over the feelings I had then. I wish I could go back to that day knowing how much joy he has brought to my life.
Ten months before I had my son, I met Todd...one month later I was pregnant. Ironically before I met him all I wanted was to get married and start a family. When I found out I was pregnant, I realized I was no where near ready. I wasn't married, we weren't living together....we barely knew each other. I was pregnant, lonely and miserable. I was flying by the seat of my pants, and did not have a clue what I was doing. For the first 3 months, I was so sick. Morning sickness sucks, having it all day sucks more. Having no one there when you are puking your guts out, sitting on the bathroom floor, crying your eyes out is just plain shitty. After the first 3 months the morning sickness went away and my pregnancy went fairly smoothly until the end when my blood pressure went up and I had to be induced 2 1/2 weeks early. Into the world came my 8lb 6oz. little boy. He was beautiful.....and I didn't know how to take care of him or even how to feel at that moment. I sat in the hospital by myself for 3 days and I kept my new little baby boy in the nursery, only bringing him into my room when I had a visitor or for very short periods of time. I went home (to my mom's house) alone with a new baby and it was the worst feeling in the world. Two months later, Todd and I finally decided to get married. We became an instant family. He already had a son who I later adopted, and I jumped into being a mom to 2 boys. I still can't tell you how I managed doing it.
Fast forward 15 years later. That little baby....grown into a teenager...has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. I can't even imagine life without him. My kid that has never known his own strength. We always had to remind him to be gentle. He was never mean, more like a bull in a china shop. He has always been tender hearted. The best big brother his sister (only 19 months younger) could have. They've always been best friends. One of my very favorite memories is of a time we were camping. Todd had taken our daughter just up a dirt road to the bathroom. She was maybe 4. We heard her suddenly scream at the top of her lungs...a bee had scared her.....my little boy started running up the road because he "needed to help her". The look of concern on his face for his little sister who he thought was hurt was one I will never forget. He is no different today. He is kind, caring and would do anything for his family. He has a great....odd...sense of humor, that I love. He can be completely crazy and off the wall especially around his friends. He is just fun to be around. Anytime we are alone he talks my ear off about anything and everything.
Oh....he is still a typical teenager. He still complains every so often about taking out the trash or doing dishes. He can still be moody and ornery. He still argues with his siblings once in a while and hates to do homework. He doesn't get great grades in school. But really he's pretty laid back, mostly calm. He helps out around the house and does things like waking up early in the morning and hanging Christmas lights to surprise me, because he knows it will make me happy.
So 15 years ago my little boy came into the world. Now he is not so little, over 6 feet tall and still growing. We had a rough start at first, me learning how to be a mom, him being so patient while I figured it all out....although let's be honest, I'm still figuring it out. I'm so thankful he puts up with such a crazy mom, and so grateful that he is mine. I couldn't be more proud of the person he is becoming and the example he is to his siblings and to me. Happy Birthday <3
No comments:
Post a Comment