I've been on this weight loss/weight gain roller coaster my whole life. I hate it. I've had the same goal since high school. It's not unrealistic....it's where I should be to be considered "healthy". Twenty one years ago when I moved to Utah, I was almost there. I was in better shape (I should say I was smaller) than I was in high school and I was so close. Ugh! I wish I could go back in time when I started going off track and slap myself and say "LOOK... this is what you look like in 20 years." If only... But I can't, so I've started the battle once again. However, this time I'm fighting the battle differently, I've gotten a little smarter in my old age. I now have 3 goals. Because I'm just a little (a lot) farther away from my ultimate goal than I was so many years ago. So why have I failed so many times? Well for one, I wasn't blessed with a great metabolism. At least I like to make that excuse. My real downfall....sugar...carbs. Up to this point I wasn't willing to give that stuff up. Dieting was always torture, because I felt like I needed to starve myself. I never really ate right anytime that I was on a stupid (and they are stupid) diet in the past. Therefore I continued on the roller coaster. Exercise.....deprive myself of foods I wanted but not really eating all the right foods.....lose weight......have people tell me I look good....think I'm doing ok so take a break from working out.....start having massive cravings for everything I've told myself I could never eat again.....give in.....gain weight back plus extra....feel awful about myself......give up for a while.....start all over again. Get me OFF this DAMN roller coaster!! I've had enough.
A couple of months ago a few people in my family decided we were going to really support each other....encourage each other to help in our individual goals. We all have our own struggles that we are working on and it helps to have group support. I stayed in the background supporting everyone else but not ready to commit. I had to take a "real" look at myself. I had to stop making excuses. I had to figure out how to let go of my crutches that I ran to when I was upset or angry or stressed out. I had to commit to changing my habits. I like food.....really I like junk food, and of course....diet coke. Something had to change. I needed to stop running for my fixes when something went wrong in my life. So I changed. OK it wasn't that easy....and it took a few weeks for me to really commit. I'm not going to lie, having the diet pill that my doctor prescribed helped a lot, but mainly with cravings. The day I started taking it I quit drinking diet cokes. I only drink water now....3 weeks and counting. My sugar cravings are gone. I'm hoping it stays that way. I'm still working out...I kind of get obsessed about it, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing for me. I know when I need to take a day to let my body rest, but honestly I enjoy and look forward to doing something every day. The weight is coming off and not much longer I'll be at my first goal...where I was 4 years ago. After that I'll focus on my next goal....where I was 21 years ago. And then my goal I've had forever. It's a life change for me, because I'm not on a diet. I don't count calories or weigh myself very often, because it makes me crazy. I can tell just from the way my clothes fit that what I'm doing is working. My daughter asked me if I was going to start drinking diet coke again after we run our 5K in a couple of months. The answer...no...I'm not planning on it. Ha...I might have to change the name of my blog. Right now I feel good, I'm eating right, I'm not starving myself and I don't feel like I'm depriving myself at all. It's so simple and yet my whole life I've made it so hard. For me it's all about balance, keeping myself busy, making myself stronger and sometimes just taking a walk when life starts throwing those damn lemons at me. I guess you could say I've jumped off the roller coaster and switched to a train track, powering forward and keeping my goals in sight.
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