Three thousand miles away from each other....two very different situations...but my best friend Debi and I seem to be going through the most trying times in our lives right now. We've known each other since the second grade. We became instant best friends when she gave me a friendship pin when we were eleven. Thirty plus years later she still provides a shoulder to cry on when I need it. I've already said how bad my weekend was...I guess you can say I hit my breaking point. It's weird for me to think I'm going through the stages of grief, because I've been at place of acceptance for so long. But I'm angry....pissed...upset. And I need to get away. I wish I could do it right now, I just can't. Because when I say I want to get away, I want to get as far away as I can. Put me on a plane and let me go. So I was talking to Debi about flying back east to visit her in a few months. We ended up talking on the phone for about an hour and a half last night. Past 11 for me 1am for her because she had an equally awful weekend...and we both just needed to talk.
I value every friendship I've ever had. I don't just let people into my life. When I was in High School, I didn't have a lot of "friends". I knew a lot of people at school...but outside of school I had my little group of friends. The people who really knew me. For me it never mattered if I had a hundred friends or two friends. Because when it comes down to it the people who are really my friends are the ones that know me...really know me..and still care. Take me as I am, I have faults, but don't pretend to like me. Like I said I don't just let people in my life. I've had friendships come and go...I've had friendships "take a vacation"...I've been hurt, I've had my heart broken. I've had people come into my life that from the very first conversation, it felt like we knew each other forever and we could talk about anything for hours. I've found the most important people in my life are the ones that even if we go for a few weeks or months or years without speaking...because of whatever has happened in life...we can pick up right where we left off, without missing a beat. The truth is when you are lucky enough to have people in your life who are so important they leave an imprint on your heart...on your soul, it's impossible to just let them go.
At this time in my life when some days I hate everything, I feel alone, isolated, like I just can't control anything that is going on. I am so very thankful I have amazing people in my life that I can turn to, that I can talk to. People who know me well enough to call my bluff, who know even if I'm smiling on the outside there are some days I'm crying on the inside.
I can honestly say I have amazing friends, new and old, near and far. They are all different, they range in age, religious and political views, the color of their skin, their financial stability. The point is...none of that matters to me. Sometimes you just feel an instant connection, a kinship. I'm very lucky to have so many people like this in my life.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our
lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead
of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our
pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
Henri Nouwen
<3 you Ang,
ReplyDeleteMy touchstone.